These beautiful half eaten peaches (courtesy of Leo) stopped me in my tracks the other day. . . . but before I could get mad and holler for the culprit to make himself known. . .God tapped me on the shoulder and spoke a truth. They symbolize my life lately. . .. and they kinda explain why I've been so uninspired to blog. . .In all honesty it hasn't been that I've been soooooo busy. . .(although that is part of it). . ..it is deeper and way more annoying. You can probably already guess what I'm getting at. .. pick your favourite cliche! Too many balls in the air? Taking bites out of too many projects. .. but not doing any one particularly well. . .the bain of being a pregnant, working mom perhaps? My doctor gave me a good lecture the other day about how I'm not acting like I'm pregnant. .. he was right. My body was screaming at me to listen and I kept pushing. Bad idea. And I paid for it.
I think twice about sharing things like this. . .(my bad days/vulnerabilities. .. shortcomings). . wondering what impression I might give, what damage I could do to my business? Will it make me look weak?
But at the end of the day. . I want to share my journey about starting this company while at the same time raising my kids and being a good wife. . . and I want to do it honestly. After-all. .. isn't it a strength to recognize your weaknesses? That's where my logic eventually took me. . .for better or worse. Personally I think there is nothing more annoying and sad than people who cover up all the struggles and prefer to make it look like they got to where they are easily and without incident. .. being content to give the impression that they are really just THAT AWESOME. That doesn't help anybody. .. plus it makes those of us going through battles feel like we are alone and have to go underground, putting on a good face and secretly feeling like we don't measure up. BLAH. I decided I don't have time for that. . .plus, God has been showing me that in my weakness I am strong because it forces me to lean on Him. And who do I think I am anyways?
Slowly I'm learning:
I need help. I need to ask for it and lay down my stupid pride.
God has a better strategy than me for making this all work out. .. I need to seek Him in EVERYTHING. EVERY TIME. PERIOD.
Healthy Stress Management is a must.
My true priorities aren't what I SAY or THINK they are... .they are directly reflected in what I am actually DOING. Ouch.
Half the stress I experience is self induced. . .it doesn't come from a boss breathing down my neck, or a demanding nasty husband (he is anything but) but from the monster that lives within. . .
Lately I've been really hit with how life is so fleeting. . .I've been grieving and don't know why? What I do know, is that I'm using the power of my Will to walk my way out of this slump, put some salve on the battle scars and fight for some of those promises God has given. It's been a good lesson. .. I let myself get overwhelmed and there were consequences.
Despite my "season of slump". . .there are some pretty cool things happening. . .
The new swanky website is almost ready to go live!
My loan application is almost ready to send off, thanks to my patient generous brother in law for sitting down with me and answering my questions:)
Time to pray for the loan to come through and co-labour with God to make this thing fly. I am so excited but can get bogged down by the sheer length of my "to do" list. I have to consciously decide to stop putting pressure on myself, make a priority list and find the joy in completing each task instead of dreading what I won't get done. That's the new plan. ..
How fitting the word I chose to be my "motivation word" at the beginning of this year was "STEP" . . .
Stepping out with a side of waddle. . .my waist measurement is threatening to rival my height. ..can't wait to meet this new little dude:) Oh, and name suggestions? I'm all ears. ..
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