Life can be downright rude sometimes eh? I've been taught a lot this past year, and as painful as some lessons can be. . .it's secretly exciting to keep finding out how much we really don't have it together...how enthralling it is to think of all the things we've yet to learn. . .
I've been fascinated with the art of communication as of late. .. due to personal and business situations that have gotten sensitive. . I've had to walk through some HARD conversations. What I've discovered is that we can so easily get wrapped up in the desire to be "right" that we lose sight of what line of reasoning will really get us the best result in the end. Focusing on the best outcome has changed my life, and I found out that honouring a position you disagree with is easy, just do it. Don't take your inability to make someone see it "your way" as a personal failure or insult. .. instead focus on articulating yourself in such a way that the other person doesn't feel judged or threatened but understands not only your position, but the state of your heart in regards to what benefit you hope they can come out of the situation with. Get out of selfish mode and refuse to be threatened by views that don't line up with your own. I've learned this the hard way of course. . and will inevitably stumble forward, but here it goes. . .this summer I've been able to apply these lessons to all kinds of situations. ..from discussions about religion, to solving some very expensive misunderstandings in a business dealing. . .to personal relationship issues. . .
The success of the interaction always came down to three things:
1) not letting emotions guide me
2) focusing on the desired outcome instead of proving a point or "winning" with words
3) keeping my heart in a state of peace by being 100% honest and true to my beliefs without exacting judgment on the other persons position
I'm probably about to under-whelm you with my elementary revelations. . but here it goes;)
A few things I've figured out. . by trial and error of course;)
- you can be aware of concepts and principles in your brain, but until you can master control over your fickle emotions. . .IT'S ALL FOR NOT!
- you can never assume the other person is giving you the benefit of the doubt. ..spell it out for them. . ."I don't mean to hurt you with this comment, but this is my experience. .blah blah blah" " I understand that I may have this wrong, but this is how I'm feeling. . ."
- watch your body language, pointing and raising your voice is a recipe for an explosion. . .
- don't act like a coward. If you can't say it to someones face, whatever you say behind their back is proof that you don't have a peaceful agenda
- don't be scared to go down a path of reasoning with someone in a discussion that you assume you disagree with. . you may find that if you have the courage to open your mind and walk it out without being defensive the end result could be closer to your goals than you could have ever thought.
- don't swear at people, it's rude;)
- know when to defend yourself and when silence is golden. . .inevitably folks who have malicious agendas will end up exposing themselves for what they are. . .
- remind yourself that no matter how nasty someone is acting. . .hurt and fear is probably what's making them act that way. . .(when faced with these people I always admit to God how I'm feeling and implore Him to give me a glimpse of how He feels about them. . .sometimes He does, sometimes not. . .but I always feel better for asking:)
There. I said I'd explain the title of my post the other day and there she is!
Enough lolly gagging.. .. time to get back to my dreaded loan application. .. ARGH. . but then, I haven't poked hot daggers in my eyes for a while. . .or sat on burning coals. . maybe I should get those things out of the way first? ;) He he. . kidding. . .of course I'm kidding. . ahem. .
On a lighter note. .. picking berries on Saturday mornings with young children rocks. .. and I've got the pictures to prove it:)
Happy summer and happy debating everyone. . . here's to good discussions, good friends and being enlightened by everyone in our path, even if they happen to be the nasty jerks who dangerously tailgated and scared two pregnant women on their way back from bookclub yesterday. . .grrrrr. . .!
.