This week was a tough one. .. .and a great one. Not all at once. But eventually. I won't go into great detail. . .but let's just say I did one of the most embarassing, unprofessional things ever. . .something to stroke off the Dorky Bucket List. I cried. Not just any cry. The ugly cry. . .and not alone. Oh no. . I was not alone. I was at a business meeting. . . .and I was powerless against the force that are my emotions. There was mascara smearing, snot wiping, relentless tear pouring and what would all that be without the shaky voice quiver?? Yup. I played right into the "weak woman" sterotype. . .in spades.
Now, I am not a weak woman. I am also however not a person who puts up guards, and I tend to play my cards on the table, and wear my heart on my sleeve. I actually think one of my greatest strengths is that I know that I don't know. .. .WHAT I DON'T KNOW. There's no pride here. I am always trying to talk to people smarter and more experienced than myself because I'm acutely aware that I'm GREEN.
. . .but it really bothered me that I lost composure. .. especially in a professional setting. It was nobody's fault but my own. . and I was beating myself up over it, until I just had to stop, cause what's done is done. I think maybe it was just a build up. .. this has been a long and often lonely road getting this business going. .. and I've made more mistakes than I care to remember, it's also not just a business to me. . I want GORP to be responsible for some pretty amazing world changing, people helping things. There's more at stake to me than a healthy balance sheet. There is an idealistic angel on one shoulder and an even more idealistic entrepreneur on the other. . .it's how I'm wired. Is that o.k.? I don't know. . .
The first thing I thought after my breakdown was how can I make sure this never happens again. . .but then I thought, I might not like the person that I need to become, for it not to happen again. . .I don't know the answer. I can put on my hard ass hat if I have to. . .but I hate that hat. ..it tends to look better on people that aren't me. Plus, I'm pretty sure it makes me look fat;)
Looking forward, in the opposite direction of the saltwater flooding incident. The kids and Grant (who took time out of crazy harvest days) helped me put up my GORP field signs last night. . .I love them:) We put them on the fields where we grow ingredients that are in GORP bar. The honey we use comes right off our own canola fields. .. .I think that's pretty cool.
Another great announcement from yesterday was I delivered my very first WINNIPEG RETAIL ORDER!!! A big thankyou to Cramptons Market on Waverly for being so awesome and willing to work with a small gal like me. . .go check them out. .. they have amazing customer service and lots of beautiful local produce and products. .. like GORP BARS:)))
SO. I've dried my tears and I'll put one wet sock in front of the other till they dry out. . .I will persevere. I will sell these bars. I will not always be able to stop the tears. But I will not give up.
I will not apologize for this being my story. I've been told many times I shouldn't share so much, but I want to inspire real people,(maybe even people who cry at inappropriate times), not people who make everything look easy when it's not. For better or worse.
Gorp out. . .
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