The Great GORP Project

2 years ago today. . .

I lost my dad to ALS 2 years ago today. It kind of snuck up on me. . .sideways like.

Maybe because lately I've been feeling like a 35 year old little girl. (The crying incident from my last post might have something to do with that;) But, in the last few months I've been having a lot of firsts, and maybe that's why I've been really feeling the void of my father. He was also a "serial" entrepreneur, (which I believe is a gene yet to be discovered). . .for better or worse, he passed that DNA down. He would just love to be a part of what I'm going through right now. .. .and funny enough I miss him the most when I'm standing in my shipping area packing boxes. We spent many hours together in the shipping department at Word Alive, the business I grew up watching and working in, and boy did we laugh. . .he was such a GIANT GOOF! Plus he had the best smile, also GIANT and contagious. . . .ahhhhhh. . . . . stink. . . I feel the tears welling up as I type. . .I've apparently also inherited the inappropriate crying gene. .. .;)

. . .I so want to talk to him right now.

Yesterday one of the guys that works with us on the farm was driving his father around the yard and we stopped and talked for a few minutes. . .and then it just smacked me in the face. How neat would it be to have a father alive when I'm in my 40's and 50's. . and even 60's?? A silly revelation that shouldn't have really hit me my surprise. .. but it did. It's kind of weird though. .. how God knows what you need before you've even consciously formed the thought. He seems to put some pretty cool people in my path. . .people that want to help me for no reason. . .people who in some small way provide the shot in the arm to me just when I need it. .. kinda like a father would do. . . He's such a good God.

Nobody will ever measure up in the goofy department though and that's o.k. . .I don't even want them too. . .that was his. . .and I want to keep missing him for that. . .he's not replaceable.

Well dad. . .I'll see ya on the other side. . .while I'm here I plan to swing for the fences and die trying!

. . .missing our laughs in shipping and uncontrollable fits of giggles in Costco. . .thinking of you today.

Love col

Just when I get all confident. . .

I worked my butt off yesterday trying to get bars made for a few orders and for presenting samples to retailers. .. .the goal. 600. The reality. . .I mismeasured the wet ingredients for the Peanutbutter & Apple batch, so they are a bit dry. That's 200 down the drain. When I went to go make my Cocoa batch I thought (like an idiot. .. .but to my defense it was midnight and the only radio station I could get to come in was some weird talk show with a very angry host and he was influencing me to do aggressive things;) So I think to myself. . ."i wonder. .. .wonder. .. what if. .. I put the mixer on HIGH?????!!!!Then my alter ego trouble maker started clapping her hands and turned the dial." What the WHOOPS.That mixer has P.O.W.E.R. This recipe is very tricky. The mix has to be handled just so, or else it does bad things, like refuse to roll, or worse. The result of turning the mixer on high was bad news bears. That was another 200 bars down the drain, they are too compacted and weird looking.

The only bars that turned out were a Peanutbutter and Wild blueberry test batch, that I don't even have the proper packaging for. But they taste darn good. Blarney! (hope that's not some terrible swear word in Ireland?)

By this time it was way past midnight and I figured, why not cut and package the bars anyways and put them in the farm lunchroom etc. . ..plus I need practice with Grandpa Snazzy anyways. . .so even though it was a VERY EXPENSIVE night of mistakes I tried to look up. UNTIL. . .. crack!

What you are looking at above is the cracked housing for my custom made (not easy to fix) bar cutter. DOUBLE BLARNEY. I WAS NOT going to throw out hundreds of dollars worth of ingredients so I marched/stumbled angrily over to the farm shop and robbed a few tools and nuts and bolts and such and fanangled it together again to at least get these bars cut, even if they are a bit crooked.

Grandpa Snazzy (my moody packaging machine) behaved like a true gentleman and the bars were packaged and boxed by 1:45a.m.

Long story short. . .

What I'm trying to say is. . .CHEAPO (not perfect) ENERGY BARS FOR SALE.. . .they still have all the good stuff in em. . .they just aren't 100%. If you don't care, and won't judge, send me an email, message or comment and I'll blast them out for 20 bucks a box.

Live. Learn. and stop listening to weirdo late night radio;)

NOTHING good happens after midnight. . .that's what my husbands grandpa used to say. . .I'm inclined to believe him!

Good thing I gave this business to God a long time ago, or I might be a tad more crazy by now. Man.

Playing Hurt. ..

First: Today is the Grand finale of the Dyck Family DIY Gym Bag Project Spectacular. . pics coming tomorrow.

Today is also the day I hope to hear back from Women's Enterprise Center about my loan. . .I've been on pins and needles all weekend. . .this could be it. . .at long last Gorp could launch? What!? Ahhhh. .. I can barely stand the suspense. . .gog.

.  ..but I digress. . back to Playing Hurt. Hmmmm. . .I smell an analogy!

I was very excited to be chosen to review this book by Brian Goins. . .most of the marriage/relationship books I read are by women and we all know men and women are two different species;) Typically when reading books by women my internal dialogue is all like "preach it sista". . ."yeah, you said it!" and "oh, yeah, you caught me. .. I'll work on that, thanks. . " But when reading a man's perspective I found myself going "what the?", "As if?", and "you've got to be kidding!". . .. I think we forget just how different men and women are from each other. .. it's HARD work figuring out how to relate to another person, never mind a different sex!

I have to be honest. . .during the first few chapters there were quite a few sports analogies, which was alright but I did find myself going. .. ahhhhhh really? And I have a high tolerance for anything to do with sport. . .BUT. . .dude brings it round in a big way. He knows his Bible and he also knows HOW GUYS THINK. .. I didn't truly appreciate the motivation behind a guys drive and the reality that much of the time our men are "playing hurt" and we don't even know it until I read this book.

One of the light bulb moments for me was seeing just how important it was for a guy to love his wife like Christ loved the church. . .it's profound. Realizing that YOUR marriage is a way for God to be glorified??!!

"If you say "I do", God is using your marriage to paint a work of art to display His glory to the world. If Satan can exploit your conflict to destroy or dampen your love for your wife, it's as if he just sprayed graffiti all over another one of God's masterpieces."

"Whether we knew it or not, when we got married, we didn't sign up for equal rights, but the right to die to ourselves. We signed up to love like Christ loves. We signed up to beautify our brides. We signed up to take the hits and turn the other cheek."

Even though there are tons of tidbits about how and why a husband should act a certain way. . this is by no means a man bashing "pull up your bootstraps. . you aren't good enough" kind of commentary. Brain digs deep and acknolwedges that it isn't easy to lead. To persevere despite the pain. . .to PLAY HURT. He is a straight shooter on big issues like sex, ego, and he tackles hurts like being disrespected in public by your wife to being talked down to behind closed doors. His candor and honesty is absolutely refreshing.

One of my favourite quotes is from a conversation Brain was having with one of his mentors:

"The number one hallmark of great marriages are spouses who are more aware of the damage done to their mate than the damage done to themselves."

He also likens the trials in a marriage relationship to Paul's relationship with the churches he planted. . .Paul was often hurt, rejected and disrespected by the people he cherished and loved, however he always pursued victory instead of vindication. . ."Scripture highlights emotional pain, rather than hiding it. The men and women we perceive as heroes in the Bible have just as many great foibles as great feats of faith."Our modern culture seems to glorify the exact opposite behaviours, hide your pain, don't show your weaknesses. . .BE A MAN? Yeah right. I'm so sick of the pursuit of macho-ism in our culture. . .it perverts the calling of our men to have integrity and replaces it with a propensity to be dishonest and fake. A recipe for empty.

I love these 5 tips Brain gives in the book: Paul's Playbook for Playing Hurt

1. Every husband needs the GUTS to love like Christ.

2. Every husband needs the GLORY of loving like Christ.

3. Every husband needs OTHER GUYS to help him love like Christ.

4. Every husband needs the GUIDELINES to love like Christ.

    -Nourish

    - Cherish

5. EVERY HUSBAND NEEDS THE GOSPEL THAT EMPOWERS HIM TO LOVE LIKE CHRIST!

 I have to say that despite the sports analogies;) This book reached into my preconceived notions about how men think about relationship and replaced them with a new respect and understanding for the unique calling and challenge God sets out for our men to live out.

 

At the end of it all. .. I found the book enlightening and motivating. . .I love how Brian always comes back to scripture and holds up all the advice and ideals he lays out and measures them against what it says in the Word. Love it!

Check out the blog tour for this book here! As always I was given a free book in exchange for my review. . .so if ya wanna borrow it and live close by just yell:)

. .. ..ahhhhh. .. knees are shaking. . fingers trembling. . I could hardly type today I'm so nervous about hearing back about my loan. .. All I can do is pray LORD YOUR WILL BE DONE. .. but Lord, you should also know that I persevere despite all logic. . .so if you want to send me a message it might have to be rather loud and oh so obvious!

Mugabe And The White African. . ..

 

. . .man, from the Amish to the wilds of Africa. . .I don't know if my heart can take this! I just finished devouring this book by Ben Freeth about his life in Zimbabwe during the horrific land seizure program in 2000. What struck me immediately when I started turning the first few pages was the disbelief that this was happening and I have no memory or knowledge of it being in the press. .. .I feel ashamed that I didn't know more about this. . .

About Mugabe and the White African:

 Ben Freeth has an extraordinary story to tell. Like that of many white farmers, his family's land was "reclaimed" for redistribution by Mugabe's government.

But Ben's family fought back. Appealing to international law, they instigated a suit against Mugabe's government in the SADC, the Southern African equivalent of NATO. The case was deferred time and again while Mugabe's men pulled strings. But after Freeth and his parents-in-law were abducted and beaten within inches of death in 2008, the SADC deemed any further delay to be an obstruction of justice. The case was heard, and was successful on all counts.

But the story doesn't end there. In 2009 the family farm was burned to the ground. The fight for justice in Zimbabwe is far from over--this book is for anyone who wants to see into the heart of one of today's hardest places and how human dignity flourishes even in the most adverse circumstances.

While it was physically painful to read this book. .. (my body literally hurt). . .I was compelled to turn each page. Ben Freeth does an amazing job retelling these almost unbelievable events. The injustice is infuriating, the violence devastating. . .but amidst it all is the unwavering belief in doing what is right. ..ALL THE TIME. . NO MATTER WHAT. . in the face of blatant corruption I could see how it could have been tempting to "let the ends justify the means". . .Ben's belief was that the ends never justify the means if they are wrong! Pure inspiration and a solemn reminder.

This story hit home especially because Grant and I are farmers. . .there is something about land. . about boundaries that have an inherently spiritual aspect. God Himself designed the earth in such a way. . .the separation of land from sea, light from dark. . .form. Land is territory. .. .God blesses it and removes it, He honours promises made on it. . .and He gifts it. . .there is just something about land that is connected to the spiritual realm. . .spiritual territories. . .

The following is a letter that Ben wrote as encouragement to the farmers that were being bullied, brutalized and attacked. . .I think it's a great snap shot illustrating the qualities in the book that make it so valuable. Even though it is extremely hard to read about the events. . .the underlying story of faith, perseverance and trust in God are the jewels!

It is what you believe that will determine how you live your life.

It is what you believe that will determine the society that you live in.

If you do not live out what you believe, your life and the society that you live in will become unacceptable to you.

If you believe in truth, speak it! Live it! Do not compromise.

If you believe in a society without corruption, do not pay out money under corrupt circumstances! Do not compromise.

If you believe in a society without patronage, don't allow yourself to be patronized! Do not compromise.

If you believe in freedom of speech, speak out! Do not compromise.

If you believe in a happy family life, do not chase after other people! Make time for your family. Do not compromise.

If you believe in a community that helps each other, be the first to offer your own help!Do not compromise.

If you believe in God, do everything to seek Him! Don't put Him aside. Do not compromise what you believe.

If you compromise any of these things, the person that you are, and the society that we live in will become compromised.

Wow! Anyone sensing a theme here?! COMPROMISE. Ouch. Guilty. It's the little things that sneak up on you. .. the seemingly harmless inconsistencies in your life that you don't bother to correct because: Who's it hurting??. .. This story puts a spotlight on why it's important to NEVER COMPROMISE your morals. . .it magnifies the consequences of compromise and beautifully shows the rewards for courage and faith in the face of evil.

The PBS debut of Mugabe and the White African, the award-winning documentary of the same name, was on July 26. Watch now at PBS: http://www.pbs.org/pov/mugabe/.

I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for the review. . .if anyone within driving distance of me wants to borrow it just shoot me an email! You can also check out the Blog Tour for this book here if you are interested:)

. . .I'll admit, I can sometimes get bogged down and depressed about the state of the world and find myself "checking out". . .not wanting to hear. .. because (selfishly) it hurts to know. This book inspired me to see the hope in every circumstance. .. .to see that trusting God is ACTIVE and ONGOING. . .it's hard work. . and worth every effort.

Amish Values For Your Family. .. a book review and give away:)

Sorry for the late post. . .yesterday I was in Brandon for a 2 day MRAC board meeting and the internet connection situation in my room was not feeling my chi. . .but here I am, late but enthusiastic:)

Sooooo I'm reviewing Amish Values For Your Family by Suzanne Woods Fisher. . .I stumbled upon this opportunity for bloggers from Litfuse Publicity Group. The deal is, they send out info. about books they are promoting, if you are interested you submit your name and if you get picked they send you the book for free on the condition that you review it on your blog. . . .. super cool. When this title first popped up I thought. .. what the? Amish? Chaaa. . .no. But then I got a little twig/poke/twitch in my gut. .. and I knew for some reason I needed to do this. Boy was I right. ..

The theme of my life this year has been the quest to control the stressy feeling in my brain, brought on by my unrealistic to-do list and rat race tendencies. I've been searching for the recipe for slow, but with a side order of go;) I know deep down there is a way. .it's small choices.  .consistent small choices. .and a paradigm shift. The Amish have something going on. ..they've figured some key things out. . .and I'm sure I don't have to join a colony or don a kerchief to get a piece of Amish peace! Aside from the fact that 95% of Amish businesses DON'T FAIL.  .and the lower disease statistics than our general population. . there is so much more. . .honestly, you'll have to read the book to get the full picture. .. it's a beauty, and the portraits of family life are nothing short of romantic. . .

But for today. . here are some of my favourite Amish proverbs and one of the values from their culture that really resonated with me. ..here we go. ..

We pass on our convictions to our children by the things we tolerate.

The more a child is valued, the better his values will be.

Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them!

Peace is seeing a sunset and knowing whom to thank.

If God is not first in our thoughts in the morning, he will be last in our thoughts all day.

My job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible.

Instead of putting others in their place, put yourself in their place.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished!!

I just love that last one:) One of the pleasant surprises I got from reading about the Amish was discovering the rich sense of humour that seems to be embedded in their way of life which also acts as the lens that they see every situation through. . for some reason it was unexpected and so fun to read about. . .

Amish principle I TOTALLY love:

CHILDREN ARE LOVED BUT NOT ADORED.

Now. .. I've blogged about this principle before right here. Some of you agreed with me.  .others chose not to agree, and some of you sent me emails telling me how wrong I was. . .and I'm o.k. with that. . secretly I LOVE a good rip roaring debate:)

Of course the principle in no way diminishes the value of children in the Amish culture. I actually think it is respectful of them. My opinion is that our "modern" culture is quite disrespectful of children. (don't get me started on the shoe industry . . .stripper shoes for tots is a post for another day. . gag!) I say this because it's quite common to see us parents catering to our kids. . .arranging our lives around them, instead of including them in our lives. .  .(I'm guilty of this. . no pot calling the kettle black in this joint. . ) Does that make sense? Then there is the purpose crisis in our society and in desperation to find purpose we stick our kids into the "purpose for living" shaped hole in our lives and they are stuck not only having to live up to our expectations. . but deal with the immense pressure of reflecting how well we preformed as parents. . .I can't help but think that's why some kids rebel. . .

One of my favourite stories told in the book is of an Amish father who gives his son two rabbits as a gift. They head to the feed store and buy all the supplies to build the rabbit hutch and get to work building. . .it takes them all day. At the end they invite their (non Amish) neighbours over to see the finished result. As the neighbours (Father and son) are admiring their handy-work the father asks why they didn't just buy a rabbit hutch at the hardware store, it would have been cheaper? The Amish man replies that they did consider that option but saw that they weren't built to last so decided to buy the lumber and do it themselves. The neighbour then suggests that they could have bought 2 cheap rabbit hutches and when the first one broke, just pull out the second one. The little neighbour boy looks up at his dad and says "Dad! Maybe we could build a hutch!", his dad replies "We can buy a hutch you mean, no reason to reinvent the wheel."

This is the Amish fathers reply:

"Unless you're trying to teach your son how to use a hammer and saw, unless you want to give your son skills he can use for a lifetime. And you're trying to teach him to build things that last. To take pleasure in his work. Unless you don't mind missing those good talks a father and son have while they're working together side by side. If you don't mind missing those things, then sure, you can just buy the hutch down at the feed store."

What a perfect snapshot of the problems at hand. . .our "disposable" culture of consumption. . and our rushed lives where we often opt to take the fast easy option instead of engage in the slow deliberate but higher value solutions to our problems. I often just "do" things for my kids because it's faster. . I'm often thinking of the next job that needs to be done and consumed with checking things off my to-do list instead of living in each moment and squeezing QUALITY out of each day. The ironic thing is that I stress about teaching my kids these amazing life lessons and wonder how on earth I'm going to do it. . .when really. .. if I just took the time to include them in my daily chores and projects. . .even though it's slower and requires patience. . I'd be accomplishing infinitely more than just the completion of a task.  It's a simple story. . with a simple point. . but so relevant.

Immediately I thought about my to-do list. . I need to buy gym bags for the kids before school starts and I was already planning and musing about where the cheapest place would be to go and get them. It then occurred to me that I own a sewing machine and a gob load of fabric. . .how fun would it be to spend a day with the kids designing and sewing our own customized super cool gym bags? There's measuring, design, co-ordination with scissors, creative thought and the best part. . .the conversations and joking that will inevitably be taking place the whole time. .. . now why didn't I think of that??

. . .thanks Amish Values For Your Family. . .this is just one example and one principle that I eeked out of this book. . .I give it two thumbs up and a big high five. .. maybe with a bit of air guitar thrown in;)

If you want to be the lucky winner of my extra copy. . be the first to email me your address at [email protected] and it's yours:))))

 

Read below for some more opportunities to win the book on the Litfuse blog tour. . .

 

Enter 8/15 - 8/31!

 

Suzanne Woods Fisher is thrilled to announce the release of Amish Values for Your Family, her latest non-fiction release. "It offers loving ways to bring your fractured home back to life-Amish style. Read it and apply generously! It’s a beautiful book-funny, charming, soulful, and beautiful." -Mary Ann Kirkby Read the reviews here.

To celebrate the release of Amish Values for Your Family, Suzanne has teamed up her publisher Revell Books to giveaway a Kindle, and with Bill Coleman (the amazing photographer used on Suzanne’s book covers) to give away a signed Bill Coleman original.

One Grand Prize winner will receive an Amish Values Prize Package (valued at over $200) and includes: * A brand new KINDLE * A Signed Bill Coleman original * Amish Values for Your Family (for KINDLE)

Click on one of the icons to enter. Winner will be announced on 9/2 at Suzanne’s blog. Be sure to stop by the blogs on Suzanne’s blog tour – many have copies of Amish Values for Your Family to give away.

That's it that's all folks. . .I'm off to haul all my "gym bag making glory" out of the storage room!

be mighty. . with a slow go:)

Sooooo. . .yeah. ... about that. . .

 

Project early to bed early to rise started out pretty darn awesome. . .I was so motivated by my thursday post that I actually woke up at 5 on Friday morning. .(which was three days BEFORE my challenge was supposed to start!) kicked some serious butt with Jillian Michaels for an hour, ate awesome. . did devotions. . it was sa weet. I was turbo powered all day long:)

Then came the weekend. .. an awesome time at the cabin where I swam, got my heart rate revved with some butterfly. . .there was a chip incident but that's cool.

Then this morning the official start date of my two week challenge, I calved. (I guess staying up till midnight reading for my 6 hour board meeting today kicked my 5 am wake up call in the chops:(

What a mental battle this is??!! Changing routines is h-a-r-d. I'm reading a book right now called "Who Switched Off My Brain" by Dr. Caroline Leaf cause that's what is feels like these days. . and i'm learning some super cool stuff about using thinking strategies and exercises to change the makeup and connections of the brain. .. it's crazy research. . .and the science community is dumbfounded and amazed. . of course what they are proving what the Bible has been saying for hundreds of years. . .renewing the mind is a Biblical principle. I love it when science comes up beside the Bible and says "Hey ya buddy old pal. . .don't I know you from somewhere?" Then the Bible is all like. .."ummm yeah. .. I've been trying to tell you that for ages dude;)"

Yup. . .judging by my Bible meets science commentary. . might be time to hit the hay. . .tomorrow is fresh. .  .I'm not giving up. . it's all about chosing every day to make a better decision in every moment possible. I sucked wind . . but I'm hitting the floor and doing 50 pushups before bed and setting the alarm for 5 bells. .. giddy up:)

Jillian. . we have something to talk about. .

 

 

Georgia Kaye. . .I will miss you when you're 8. . .

 

Dear 7 year old Georgia,

It was your birthday yesterday and at 3:30 you turned 8 years old. In the morning your brothers and I sang you awake to the tune of Happy Birthday. . even though you really weren't 8 years old yet! I reminded you to enjoy and love the last hours of being a 7 year old girl. . .Georgia I was so emotional all day, and I REALLY wanted to make you feel special, the plan was for you to wake up and look out your window to see the trampoline daddy and I picked up for you. . .but when we got home there was some farming stuff that came up and dad went out to help someone. . .and in a year like this, that's what you do. . your dad and I felt terrible that we couldn't have the present ready for you in the morning, so the new plan was to have it ready for you after school. . .but more of the same happened and it wasn't set up yet. . . so there would be no present for you to open on your big day. . .man did we ever feel like dorks. . . I did manage to make your requested birthday meal, hamburgers on the bbq. . but they were cold, cause I was having "one of those days" and even though daddy couldn't come in for supper and it was just you, me, Leo, Oz and momak (grandma), you were still so thankful . .. because that's how you are. God gave you a heart that is so kind it makes me want to cry. You took the time to notice every single little detail the boys put into their homemade cards. . .and you looked them in the eyes and genuinely thanked them, their eyes shine when you walk in the room my dear. .. not only because you are so imaginative and goofy and fun. . but because they feel loved when they are around you. . .you amaze me.

There are a few things you should know about the seven year old Georgia. . .you care intensely about truth, about doing what's right. When you see someone being treated unfairly at school it breaks your heart and you distress about how you can help them. . .your insight into the reasons behind the way people act is wisdom beyond your years and I'm astounded that you feel just as sorry for the bully as you do for the victim, even when the victim is you. You love to laugh and have a wildly goofy side that you keep well hidden until someone really gets to know you. And even though you care deeply about others. . you have a strength and resolve in you that allows you to march to the beat of your own drum, you won't be swayed to follow the crowd, even if it means you spend recess all by yourself. . .I am so proud of you. . .

Georgia, when you were born I was 26 years old. Having you was a turning point in my life, God took the opportunity to literally touch your mommy's heart and melt away some stubborn hard layers that had built up. You see when I was a little girl, I also cared very much about truth, but as time went on I began to care far too much about how other people saw me. . .and I began to try and please people and avoid hurting them even if it meant going against what I knew was right in my own heart. It took your mom a long time to learn that doing what people wanted her to do so they wouldn't be mad, sad, or disappointed wasn't really being kind. . .kindness is never rooted in fear. . .true kindness can only be rooted in love. . . as I grew into a young lady and met your dad. . I had learned some very hard lessons about being true to who I was instead of being a people pleaser. . .but when you came along I think God knew that it was His chance to touch my heart. . .you awoke in me a powerful resolve to become the kind of person that you would be proud to call mom. . .in the hospital I cried and cried and cried. The nurses thought something was wrong with me. . .and when they asked what the matter was. . all I could answer was that "I am just soooooo happy!" In the very moment I saw you, I made a decision to confront all the things I had let slip in my life and start over. To care only about being true, to doing what was right. . especially when nobody was looking. . .to not only hold myself accountable for what I did on the outside but for also what was going on in my head. . . so that someday you would have a mommy that was worth looking up to. When I think about you I am filled with warmth, I know this is a journey we are both on together as mother and daughter. . .and I don't know if I will ever become what I hope to, but know that I love you with everything that I am. I pray for wisdom in raising you all the time. . I desperately want to spare you some of the pain I walked through in my life. . .so sometimes I'm hard on you when I see things that remind me of myself. . I know you aren't me. . and that's awesome(!). . I will never judge you for your mistakes. . .(believe me!). . .my greatest ambition is to be the best mom to you that I'm capable of being. .. someday when you read this, I hope you don't think your mom is a big geeky dork, but even if that's the case. . I can take it as long as at the very least you see that when you were 7 years old. . your mom and dad loved you more than they could bear. . .we talk endlessly about you honey, we smile, we laugh, and I think your dad won't ever recover from the ache he feels when he thinks of anyone ever hurting you. . .

Seven year old Georgia. .. I will miss you terribly.

But to my Eight year old Georgia. . .I can hardly wait to see what this year brings:)

Love,

Mom

 

 

strange sadness. . .

 

The other night I was lying in bed listening to the rain pelt against the house and the wind howl. . I couldn't sleep. . .so I prayed. . .then after that I did what any normal person would do at 2 a.m. and reached over, grabbed my blackberry and started going through my contacts and deleting duplicates??? Yeah, don't ask! But my heart was bothered and subconsciously I knew what I was looking for. . .I knew this moment would come, and I've been avoiding it. It's probably going to sound cheesy. . .and what a testament to our changing culture, but there needs to be some new terminology created for technology induced situations like the one I'm about to describe. . .but I digress. . .

For some reason, I find it intensely emotional to delete people who have died from the contact list in my phone and email. . .it weirds me out. . I don't know why. . it just seems like I am somehow taking part in erasing them. . .AND I HATE THAT. Please don't call the loony bin on me. . .this is normal right??

That night I came across my dad's contact info. . he died 9 months ago from ALS. And as I was lying there, listening to the blasted rain fall on our unseeded fields. . .worry eating at the edges of my mind. . .knowing I was about to launch Gorp and feeling very alone. . .I felt an intense physical ache at the thought of deleting my dad. . .the man who passed on my LOVE of business. . .the desire to serve God and make a difference. . .the vision of forging the entrepreneurs path. . .I wanted to call him so badly. The last 10 years my relationship with my dad was a complicated one. . .to say the least. .. but he raised me with much love, he implanted in me a confidence that I could do anything I set my mind to. . .I still find myself wanting/needing him to be proud of me. . .it makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed at how badly I still need to know if he was. . .

Today my ingredient bins came. . .and as I was excitedly unpacking the boxes in the basement I was transported back to the shipping department of Word Alive, my dad's book distribution business he started out of our basement when I was a kid. . .I was his shipper/receiver for all my highschool years. . .tears flowed. . .I hadn't seen the parallel before. . how foolish. . .but here I was. . doing EXACTLY what I had watched him do. . I remember when he packed the first box that would go out with a PRINTED (not handwritten) label! I can vividly see him standing in our cruddy basement in Toronto, holding up this tiny box with the biggest smile plastered across his face:) I was 11 and I was very proud of him. I didn't realize until now, how much I actually wanted him to see me with my first order packed and ready to ship with that spookily similar smile plastered across my face. . .weird.

.. . long story short. . .I deleted my dad. And somehow I let something go that I had been hanging on to. A wish of something that will never be.

Rest in peace dad. I miss you.

. . .now it's time to move on. . .the spot that a dad fills in his daughters life is a spot that God is more than capable of stepping into. . .I just have to learn to let Him.

The WILL

 

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading lately about the WILL and have come to see that its a powerful resource that I've been somewhat unaware of. .. .an extremely potent part of my person that I've completely taken for granted and sometimes completely ignored. It's been a huge revelation for me and I've been empowered by what I've learned. . .so, if you are up for a ramble about self improvement read on! If not. . .keep on cruising. . cause this post is all about looking at yourself truthfully and staring down some parts that might be ugly. . .no warm fuzz this morning folks:)

Spirit,Soul and Body. . .

The soul has 3 parts, your mind, your emotions and your will. To will is to wish, but it is also to hope! Your will is governed and influenced by intelligence. The level of intelligence however has no direct relationship to the power behind your will, just that there has to be the ability to analyze and choose a course of action. We tend to limit ourselves based on our perceived intelligence and then in turn use our emotions as the barometer by which we measure our success and govern our responses to situations. We can tend to leave out our will entirely and it is a shame because it puts us at the mercy of the most fickle and unreliable part of us. .. .our emotions.

Instead! If we can harness the power of will, and use it to determine our responses to situations how much more effective in life could we become? What if we decided in advance our desired response to situations based on the moral ethics we strive for (but so often fail at. . ) instead of operating in a realm of reactionary behaviour dictated by emotions, insecurities and "in the moment" frustrations? The power of this concept is immense. ..and I hope I'm communicating it properly!!

It's almost like looking at yourself from a third party perspective and choosing to view your emotions as the smallest part of the equation, instead of unwittingly being at the mercy of them. It's a paradigm shift for sure. Have you ever wondered what drives an olympic athlete to persevere despite seemingly insurmountable odds, pain, injury, loss and whatever else? What is the difference between two people in very similar horrific circumstances, where one is able to defy their circumstance and flourish and the other crumbles?. .. The will. .. the powerful powerful will. Of course it can work against you as well, we see this when a negative attitude prevails even if our situation is good. .. we're using our will to choose negativity. .. .people who seem to be the victim or martyr in EVERY situation in their life are great examples of the power of the will gone wrong. .. . a great example of will power being exhibited is in a baby throwing a mega tantrum. . .that undefinable powerful force behind their behaviour is pure will!Molded and harnessed it can be a tremendous asset to them as adults. .. left to develop without boundaries and you have an adult who will likely be at the mercy of their "feelings". Ouch.

It's simply the power of being loyal to a choice. .. over and over again, despite our "feelings". Choosing to forgive, saying no to jealousy and judgement, setting the course to a goal and not wavering until we get there. .. over and over again. It sounds trite and easy, but to walk this out is extremely hard, until you've crushed your programed negative behaviours... then it turns into your natural automatic reaction and IT'S AWESOME.

This can change your life. But what's even more awesome. . .and some of you won't agree with this, and that's o.k.. ..but I have to say it. . .cause that's me and that's also o.k.. .. ! But the best part of understanding the power of the will is that when you realize the ultimate victory over our selfish tendancies is to submit your will to God and align it with His will. .. amazing things start to happen. . .that's what really gets me charged up:) I won't ramble on and on about this. . .but remember that your free will was a gift from God. .. a gift He will never violate. It's always your choice.

The power of using your will is mind boggling. . .honestly when I look back at all the trials of starting this business venture, I'm beginning to recognize that the only thing keeping me going at times was my will. .. my emotions betray my hearts desires and goals on a daily basis. . . but the one thing that has remained unchanged despite the setbacks has been my stubborn will. . .when I started to understand the power of it, I've since used it to forgive when I didn't "feel" like it, be a better wife when maybe I felt Grant didn't "deserve" it, be a more patient mother when my kids REALLY didn't "deserve" it. .. .the sky is the limit. . .the next phase for me is really coming into the knowledge of God's will, I know that's when life starts to get really exciting. ..

Hope the rant wasn't too crazy sounding. .. although, I'm sure I'll give plenty of reasons to be accused of much worse in the near future!

Have a great thanksgiving everyone:)

 

 

 

farming forever:)

 

Thank you Lord for allowing us to work in this profession. . where there always seems to be plenty of opportunity to trust in you. . to be broken so we can grow. .. and to honour a cause bigger than us.

Rolling out. . .